What Would Jesus Drive?

The question of "what would Jesus drive" becomes intriguing when
considering a brand. In His first visit to the earth as a mortal Jesus
rode on a Colt. Since Dodge does not make the Colt anymore perhaps
another model named after a horse would do. But a Mustang seems a little
too sporty and a Pinto... well lets just say I can't see anyone who
doesn't swear driving a Pinto. Ezekiel was fond of "chariots of fire" so
perhaps Jesus would drive a Firebird or maybe a Thunderbird. Speaking of
birds, driving Phoenix would give an interesting comparison to the
resurrection. Since Jesus has a certain affinity for performing
miracles, the Almighty may arrive in a Kia. The Cobra or any other car
named after a serpent would definitely be ruled out. But since Jesus is
the Lamb of God maybe he would prefer riding in a Ram. To fulfill the
scripture that says the lamb and the lion shall lie down together, Jesus
might drive a Cougar, which is another name for a mountain lion. Since
He will be coming from Heaven, the Nova or Astro mini-van might carry
more of a celestial connotation. The assumption that Jesus would not
drive an SUV may be false. After all, Jesus was always accompanied by 12
Apostles and other disciples, what better and more efficient way to
convey this large entourage than in a big SUV. It would be easier to
preach a sermon on a mount if you didn't have to walk up the mountain.
As for not being showy, when Jesus comes again he will come in full
power and glory, so, again, the SUV makes more scriptural sense here.

I have also heard that Jesus might drive a Honda, since he urged us to
be of one Accord. In Utah and Idaho he would probably drive a BMW (Big
Mormon Wagon.)

The color of the vehicle would most likely be red, or more precisely,
burgundy since he said that he would arrayed in red like one who has
tread in the wine vat. The rest of the concourses of angels would be in
white vehicles to match their heavenly clothing.

As for Jesus being an environmentalist, the scriptures show quite the
opposite. After all, there was no Environmental Impact Statement filed
when He called down fire from heaven to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. And
in today's politically correct world, many would think the destruction
of so many purely because of their "alternate lifestyle" would be
classified as a hate crime. The Clean Water Act was clearly violated
when Moses turned the waters in Egypt into blood. And I shudder to think
how many species were made extinct at the great flood of Noah. The
scriptures also point out that when Jesus comes again there will be
pollutions and fires causing the sun to be darkened and the moon turned
to blood in appearance. Isaiah says that every valley shall be exalted
and every mountain made low, clearly a reference to radical changes in
the landscape of earth. The wicked will be burned at his coming, and
with the amount of wickedness just on prime time TV the resulting
emission of greenhouse gasses would be enormous. There are many that
believe the Second Coming has been delayed due to the amount of time
needed to prepare an Environmental Impact Statement.

But after thinking about it, Jesus will be coming from Heaven, and would
not need any terrestrial vehicle to convey Him around, so any
speculation as to what He would drive is a moot point. The real question
is "how would Jesus drive?" When confronted with a mile detour would
Jesus drive two miles instead? I believe Jesus would obey traffic laws,
drive courteously, and would never, ever "drive like hell."

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