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LIBERAL
'MEN' OUTRAGED OVER EDWARDS PRIMPING VIDEO
MEN CLAIM 'ALL OXYMORONS ASIDE,
WE WOULD NEVER VOTE FOR A CHICK WHO SPENDS THAT MUCH TIME FLUFFING HER
HAIR'
more
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headline
WEEKLY
KERRY CAMPAIGN NEWSLETTER ENDORSES BUSH
SAYS 'JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY'
LEAD PAPER TO SUPPORT CANDIDATE 'WHO STANDS FOR THINGS'
more
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headline
KERRY
DEFENDS SENATE ATTENDANCE RECORD
BLAMES SLOW JETS, SLOW HAIRSTYLISTS,
AND SLOW WAITERS FOR MISSED SESSIONS
submitted
by Tony Rubolotta
more | submit
headline
BUSHANDSAUDIS.COM
PROMPTS NEW GOP PROJECTS
ANTI-BUSH WEBSITE COUNTERED
BY: KERRYANDSADDAM.COM AND DEMOCRATSANDBS.COM
more
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headline
KERRY
OUTS CHENEY DAUGHTER AS LESBIAN
BUSH RETURNS FAVOR, OUTS KERRY
AS WEAK-ON-DEFENSE SOCIALIST FLIP-FLOPPER
more
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headline
EDWARDS
LEAKS PART OF HEALTH CARE-TORT REFORM PLAN
REQUIRES TRIAL LAWYERS TO PRACTICE
CPR, HEIMLICH MANEUVER ON JURORS
submitted
by Tony Rubolotta
more | submit
headline
ABCNEWS
DISAVOWS HALPERIN MEMO
SEEKS EXPERT OPINION FROM CBS
TO PROVE MEMO A FORGERY
submitted
by Tony Rubolotta
more | submit
headline
HILLARY
BEAMS OPTIMISM AFTER BUSH-KERRY DEBATE 2
SEN. CLINTON RESURRECTS CAMPAIGN
PLAN FOR 2008 PRESIDENTIAL BID
submitted
by Tony Rubolotta
more headlines | submit
headline
BUSH:
'KERRY IS THE MOST LIBERAL SENATOR'
KERRY: 'DON'T THROW LABELS
AROUND... I'M A CONSERVATIVE'
more
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headline
TERESA
HEINZ RUINS POST DEBATE PHOTO OP AGAIN
HEIRESS OF FORMER GOP SENATOR
JOHN HEINZ'S FORTUNE INTERFERES WITH JOHN KERRY PHOTO OP BY 'STANDING
NEAR HIM'
more
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headline
KERRY
NOW FIT FOR COMMAND
DEMOCRATIC SENATOR'S SLICK
DEBATE PERFORMANCES NEGATE SHAM SENATE RECORD, BOGUS VIETNAM MEDALS, LACK
OF CHARACTER
more
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headline
MT.
SAINT HELENS STILL UNERUPTED
HOPEFUL VOLCANO JUNKIES CONTINUE
VIGIL; OFFICIALS SAY THREAT OF UNEMPLOYMENT LOOMS
more
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headline
VP
DEBATE SPECIAL
EDWARDS HOBBLES OUT FROM BEHIND WOODSHED
AMERICA REMINDED OF KERRY'S
PUSSY-CAT APPROACH TO DEFENSE; EDWARDS' DAD LEARNED MATH ON TV
more
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headline
EDWARDS
MAY UNVEIL IRAQ SOLUTION
EDWARDS EXPECTED TO PROPOSE
SOLUTION TO IRAQ KERFUFFLE: 'VOTE FOR BUSH YOU IDIOTS'
more
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headline
THOUSANDS
FLOCK TO MT. ST. HELENS
KID ROCK OFFERS TO PERFORM
FOR ERUPTION FANS IF VOLCANO DOESN'T
more
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headline
CROWD
GATHERS FOR ANTICIPATED ERUPTION
OFFICIALS WARN ONLOOKERS TO
STAY 'A SAFE DISTANCE' FROM STAGE AT MOVEON.ORG EVENT; HEADLINER AL GORE
RELEASED GASES, STEAM EARLIER, SWEAT-DRENCHED EXPLOSION FEARED
more
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headline
REAL
ESTATE VALUES INSIDE MT. SAINT HELENS VOLVANO CONE PLUMMET
HOME SALES NEAR ENTRANCE TO
MAGMA CHAMBER SUFFER MOST
more
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headline
BUSH
FOLLOWS KERRY ADVICE, WILL GET U.N. INVOLVED IN IRAQ
NEW YORK CITY-BASED DEBATE
CLUB WILL HEAD UP SEARCH FOR OIL-FOR-FOOD PROGRAM ANOMALIES
more
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headline
KERRY
ERUPTS AS MT. SAINT HELENS BLOWS HIM OFF FRONT PAGE OF PAPERS
FEMA NERVOUS ABOUT PASSING
GLOBAL TEST REQUIRED TO RESPOND TO POSSIBLE VOLCANOE CATASTROPHE
more
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headline
KERRY:
WE NEED SUMMITS
CITES EFFECTIVENESS OF SUMMIT
WITH VIETCONG AFTER 'SERVING' IN 'THAT WAR'
more
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headline
KERRY
CLARIFIES IRAQ STANCE FOR DIANE SAWYER
KERRY: 'WE HAD TO GO TO IRAQ,
IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO... THE PRESIDENT NEEDS TO BE HONEST WITH
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE - I AM A LIAR'
more
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headline
FLORIDA
ELECTION UNFAIR TO DEMS?
DEMOCRATS CRY FOUL, CLAIM DISENFRANCHISEMENT
IN REQUIREMENT THAT BALLOTS BE READ, FILLED OUT
more
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headline
KERRY
DEBATE MAKEOVER TURNS UGLY
HOPES OF A 'TAN AND HANDSOME'
APPEARANCE DASHED BY ORANGE-PIGMENTED UGLINESS; KERRY'S MAKEUP ARTIST
DENIES USE OF TAN-IN-A-TUBE
more
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headline
NEW
$50 BILL COUNTERFEITED
NEW COUNTERFEIT-PROOF $50 BILL
TO BE RELEASED TODAY
more
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headline
FORMER
CLINTON HENCHMEN'S ALLEGIANCE TO KERRY QUESTIONED
CLINTON ADVISERS 'HELP' KERRY
CAMPAIGN, BUT THEIR ENDORSEMENT OF PRESIDENT BUSH HAS 'RAISED SOME CONCERN'
more
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headline
EDWARDS
WANTS KERRY OFF TICKET
VEEP PICK WOULD PREFER MORE
CHARISMA FOR TOP OF TICKET; CONSIDERATIONS INCLUDE GORE, PAUL WELLSTONE
URN, OR DECORATIVE LOG FROM EDWARDS' HOME
more
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headline
IRAQI
PRIME MINISTER SAYS 'THANK YOU, AMERICA'
ANTACID SHORTAGE REPORTED ON
KERRY CAMPAIGN PLANE
more
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headline
QUESTIONS
SWIRL AROUND NEW DAN RATHER STATEMENT
EXPERTS DEBATE CREDIBILITY
OF STATEMENT AND INTERNAL INVESTIGATION LAUNCHED AS RATHER
OPENS C,BS NEWS BROADCAST WITH CONTROVERSIAL 'GOOD EVENING' CLAIM
more
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headline
KERRY
LULLS ORLANDO TO SLEEP WITH 'SPEECH'
ORLANDO DEMOCRATS TOO TIRED
TO APPLAUD LONG-AWAITED END OF SPEECH; SENATOR REVEALS HE SERVED IN VIETNAM,
SENATE
more
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headline
KERRY
CLARIFIES STANCE ON IRAQ WAR COSTS
KERRY: 'WE HAVE TO SPEND WHATEVER
IT COSTS TOO MUCH'
submitted
by R. Eagles
more | submit
headline
KERRY:
IRRESPONSIBLE BUSH NOT FIT FOR COMMAND
KERRY: 'WHILE BUSH WAS LATE
TO A PHYSICAL IN 1972, I WAS BUSY LOPPING OFF EARS, DISMEMBERING VILLAGERS,
AND RAVAGING THE VIETNAMESE COUNTRYSIDE - HE IS NOT FIT FOR COMMAND'
more
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headline
C,BS
WOULD RATHER FOCUS ON 'CONTENT' OF FAKE MEMO
RATHER: 'MEMOS WERE FALSIFIED,
BUT THE LIES INSIDE ARE TRUE'
more
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headline
KERRY
BLASTS HIS CAMPAIGN FOR INEPTITUDE
KERRY: 'MY CAMPAIGN IS BEING
RAPED, PILLAGED, AND MAIMED IN FASHION REMINISCENT OF GENGHIS KHAN'
more
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headline
KERRY
TO RELEASE MILITARY RECORDS TO BERGER, RATHER
CBS TO AUTHENTICATE RECORD
SHREDS AFTER BERGER PRE-PROCESSING
submitted
by Tony R
more | submit
headline
CBS
AIRS RATHER EXPOSE ON CONSTITUTION
60 MINUTES SAYS NRA FORGED
2ND AMENDMENT
submitted
by Tony R
more | submit
headline
KERRY
NIXES CARRIER LANDING AS 'TOO AGGRESSIVE'
OPTS FOR HOT AIR BALLOON TOUCHDOWN
ON BERTHED LOVE BOAT
submitted
by Tony R
more | submit
headline
AUTOPSY
OF CBS MEMOS REVEALS SUSPICIOUS TRACES OF MS WORD
MICHAEL MOORE, KITTY KELLEY
BLAST CBS FOR 'IRRESPONSIBLE REPORTING THAT LACKS CREDIBILITY'
more
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headline
FIERCE
DEMOCRATIC WINDBAGS THREATEN FLORIDA
NORMALLY SUNNY SUNSHINE STATE
BRACES FOR IMPENDING ELECTION STORM
more
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headline
1,000th
NASA SPACECRAFT CRASHES
$260 MILLION GENESIS CAPSULE
CRASHES TO EARTH AFTER COLLECTING SPACE WIND FOR THREE YEARS; NASA CLAIMS
NEW $850 MILLION MODEL IS 'MORE APT TO PROBABLY NOT EXPLODE'
more
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headline
HURRICANE
FRANCES AFTERMATH EDITION
FRANCES PROVIDES TASTE OF FRANCE
LACK OF POWER, UNCLEAN WATER, DILAPIDATED HOUSES GIVE FLORIDIANS TASTE
OF LIVING IN FRANCE
more
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headline
IRAN:
OUR NUKES ARE FOR ENERGY
AXIS OF EVIL MEMBER CLAIMS
NUCLEAR ARSENAL IS FOR 'ENERGY PURPOSES ONLY', NOT ANNIHILATION OF WESTERN
WORLD
more
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headline
HURRICANE
FRANCES AFTERMATH EDITION
KERRY INSISTS 'SENSITIVE APROACH'
TO HURRICANE CLEANUP EFFORT
SEN. CLAIMS FALLEN TREES ARE 'A PRODUCT OF THEIR ENVIRONMENT', AND SHOULD
BE HANDLED 'KINDLY': COAXED TO THE CURB, NOT DRAGGED
more
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headline
ALERT:
DAILY 'NEWS' ON HOLD UNTIL HURRICANE FRANCES PASSES
KERRY BLAMES BUSH FOR FRANCES
KERRY: TIMING OF HURRICANE
'INTERESTING'; LANDFALL IN BATTLEGROUND STATE 'SUSPICIOUS'
more
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headline
ZELL
MILLER DELIVERS SPEECH TO HIS BASE
CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN SENATOR
ZELL MILLER (D-GA) RALLIES HIS REPUBLICAN BASE WITH FIERY CONVENTION SPEECH
more
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headline
KERRY
BLASTS BUSH FOR PLANNED NYC TRIP
CHARGES TIMING, APPEARANCE
AT REPUBLICAN CONVENTION IS PURELY POLITICAL
submitted
by Tony Rubolotta
more | submit
headline
NEW
OVERTIME RULES SIMPLIFIED
ONLY 2/3 OF TOP 7% OF ELIGIBLE NON-EXEMPT
EMPLOYEES ARE ENTITLED TO RECEIVE PARTIAL (71%) OVERTIME COMPENSATION
AFTER SATISFYING 22-DAY MONTH WAGE-EXEMPT DUTIES RULE
more
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headline
KERRY
FILES REQUEST FOR MORE PURPLE HEARTS
CITES 'INJURIES' SUSTAINED
DURING AIRING OF LATEST SWIFT BOAT AD
more
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headline
BUSH
PLANNING SECRET TRIP TO OLYMPICS
DETAILS OF CLANDESTINE TRIP
KNOWN ONLY TO SECRET SERVICE, TOP WHITE HOUSE OFFICIALS, AND DRUDGE REPORT
READERS
more
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headline
ALERT:
DAILY 'NEWS' ON HOLD UNTIL CHARLEY PASSES
BREAKING: CATEGORY 4 HURRICANE ECLIPSES CONCERNS ABOUT FLORIDA VOTING
PROBLEMS
more
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headline
MASS
PREPARES FOR FIRST GAY DIVORCE
MALE LITIGANTS MANEUVER TO
CLAIM FAVORED STATUS AS 'WIFE'
submitted
by Tony Rubolotta
more | submit
headline
EDWARDS
TO REPRESENT HUSSEIN IN CIVIL ACTION
CLAIMS 'RAT HOLE' BUILDERS
NEGLIGENT, CITES SADDAM'S CAPTURE AS PROOF
submitted
by Tony Rubolotta
more | submit
headline
KERRY
NUANCES ON IRAQ WAR FLIP-FLOP
KERRY CLARIFIES POSITION ON
IRAQ WAR VOTE BY ASKING BUSH WHY HE 'RUSHED TO WAR' WITHOUT SPECIFIC KNOWLEDGE
OF OUTCOME
more
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headline
KERRY-EDWARDS
CLAIM DIRTY TRICKS BY RNC
CITE BOTOX-GRECIAN FORMULA
SWITCH RUINED PHOTO OP
submitted
by Tony Rubolotta
more | submit
headline
KERRY
PROMOTES FLIP-FLOPS AS POLICY CENTERPIECE
KERRY: 'IT KEEPS AL QAEDA OFF
BALANCE NOT KNOWING WHAT I WILL DO'
submitted
by Tony Rubolotta
more | submit
headline
KERRY
REVEALS PLAN FOR IRAQ
CLAIMS LACK OF DETAIL NECESSARY
TO AVOID FLIP FLOPS
submitted
by Tony R
more | submit
headline
UNDER
ATTACK, KERRY CONTINUES READING BOOK TO CHILDREN
NOT WANTING TO 'SCARE THE CHILDREN',
A SHELL-SHOCKED SEN. KERRY CONTINUES TO READ 'UNFIT FOR COMMAND' FOR SEVEN
MINUTES AFTER HE WAS HANDED A CARD INDICATING THAT IT WAS ABOUT HIM
more
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headline
PENTAGON
CONFIRMS KERRY 'NOT' ON DUTY ROSTER
ORDERS FOR PURPLE HEARTS REDUCED
TO NORMAL LEVELS
submitted
by Tony R
more | submit
headline
FLORIDA
STARTS VOTE RECOUNTS TODAY
MATHEMATICIAN SAYS KERRY NEEDS
74 RECOUNTS TO WIN BY NOV. 3
submitted
by Tony R
more | submit
headline
SANDY
BERGER HOSPITALIZED FOR MINOR INJURIES
UROLOGIST CONFIRMS PAPER CUTS
ARE NOT SERIOUS OR LIFE THREATENING
submitted
by Tony R
more | submit
headline
CONVENTION
SPECIAL REPORT
BOSTON SEEKS DISASTER RELIEF IN WAKE OF DEM CONVENTION
EXPERTS PLACE HOT AIR DAMAGE
IN THE MILLIONS
submitted
by Tony R
more | submit
headline
CONVENTION
SPECIAL REPORT
KERRY 'REPORTS FOR DUTY' AND LANDS BOUNCE IN POLLS FOR BUSH
KERRY CAMP BLAMES 'MISPLACED'
BOUNCE ON PRESENCE OF PRESUMPTIVE FORMER PRESIDENT CLINTON AND PROXIMITY
OF TERESA HEINZ TO OPEN MIC
more
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headline
CONVENTION
SPECIAL REPORT
FLEET CENTER CLOSED INDEFINITELY FOR SANITIZING
CONFETTI BEING REMOVED
FROM FLOOR, MALFUNCTIONING BALLOONS FROM CEILING; ACETONE BEING USED TO
LIFT RESIDUE OF SHARPTON SPEECH FROM FLOOR
more
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headline
CONVENTION
SPECIAL REPORT
KERRY SPEECH OVERSHADOWED BY BALLOON MAN
CNN AUDIO FEED OF BALLOON
LOGISTICS MANAGER WAKES UP TV AUDIENCES: 'MORE BALLOONS GUYS, WHY ISN'T
ANYTHING HAPPENING UP THERE... WHERE THE HELL ARE THE BALLOONS?!'; SEN.
KERRY ALSO SPOKE TONIGHT
more
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headline
CONVENTION
SPECIAL REPORT
KERRY IN NOMINATION SPEECH: HELP FROM BUSH IS 'ON THE WAY'
KERRY CLAIMS PRESIDENT
BUSH HAS MADE US 'STRONGER AT HOME' AND INSISTS BEING 'RESPECTED IN FRANCE'
IS FOR THE WEAK
more
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headline
CONVENTION
SPECIAL REPORT
KERRY NOMINATION SPEECH FROM SAIGON NIXED DUE TO COMMUNIST-QUALITY COMMUNICATIONS
SEN. KERRY WILL DELIVER
ACCEPTANCE SPEECH INSTEAD FROM BOSTON'S FLEET CENTER
more
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headline
CONVENTION
SPECIAL REPORT
TED KENNEDY FOUND IN TORTURE CHAMBER WITH PANTIES ON HEAD
INVITE TO EXCLUSIVE POST-SPEECH
PARTY WAS LIMITED TO 'MOVERS & SHAKERS' OF DEMOCRATIC PARTY, AND AL
GORE
more
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headline
CONVENTION
SPECIAL REPORT
BUSH NOT BASHED
FAITHFUL DEMS OBEY 'NO
BUSH BASHING' COMMAND AT CONVENTION, INSTEAD DIRECTING RAGE AT 'THIS ADMINISTRATION'
AND 'THIS PRESIDENT'
more
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headline
CONVENTION
SPECIAL REPORT
WHACKOS AND CRAZIES CONVERGE ON BOSTON TO PROTEST BUSH
PROTESTERS ALSO SEEN OFF
STAGE AND OUTSIDE FLEET CENTER
more
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headline
CONVENTION
SPECIAL REPORT
DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION CANCELED
KERRY FATWA BANS NEGATIVITY,
BUSH-BASHING; DEMS LEFT WITH NOTHNG TO SAY AND NOT SURE OF THEIR IDENTITY
more
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headline
KUCINICH
ENDS RACE, THROWS SUPPORTER TO KERRY
FUNNY-LOOKING LITTLE 'DEPT.
OF PEACE' VISIONARY WILL NOW CAMPAIGN FOR HAUGHTY, FRENCH-LOOKING HUSBAND
OF BILLIONAIR HEIRESS TO KETCHUP FORTUNE
more
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headline
BUSH
PLANNING ON STEALING ELECTION AGAIN
LEAK: PREZ PLANS 2ND COUP D'
ETAT, WILL USE BERGER DEFENSE AND INSIST IT WAS 'AN HONEST, SLOPPY MISTAKE'
more
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headline
SANDY
ACQUITTED OF BERGERING DOCUMENTS
SANDY BERGER EXPLAINS 'MISTAKE'
TO SATISFIED INVESTIGATORS: 'I INNOCENTLY, AND ACCIDENTALLY, MISTOOK MY
PANTS AND SOCKS FOR THE SHREDDER, ...ERR, I MEAN FILE, WHEN I PLACED THE
CONFIDENTIAL DOCUMENTS THERE ON FIVE DIFFERENT OCCASIONS.'
more
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headline
NOT
ALL DEMS SQUEALING OVER ARNOLD'S 'GIRLIE MAN' MONIKER
FEMALE LIBERALS, AND METROSEXUAL
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES CALL TITLE 'FAIR, HONEST AND SOMEWHAT UNDERSTATED'
more
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headline
LOW-CARB
CRAZINESS FINALLY RECOGNIZED AS CRAZY
AMERICANS RETURN TO 'NORMAL'
DIETING - LARGE PORTIONS OF HIGH-CARB JUNK FOOD WITH DIET COKE
more
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headline
KERRY
TO NAACP: 'BUSH IS A HONKY'
SEN. PANDERER (D-MASS.) RIDDLED
WHITE PRESIDENT WITH RACIAL SLURS, COMMENTS ABOUT ' HIS MUTHA'
more
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headline
BABY
EINSTEIN COMPANY TO DEVELOP SIMPLER HOMELAND SECURITY THREAT NOTIFICATION
SYSTEM
CONFUSING COLORS TO BE CHANGED
TO GRAPHIC ICONS REPRESENTING THREAT LEVEL - RANGING FROM DOVE WITH DANDELION
IN MOUTH TO MUSHROOM CLOUD
more
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headline
RUSH
LIMBAUGH TO SPEAK DURING DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION
EXPECTED TO BE MOST LISTENED-TO
SPEAKER, COMMENTS WILL BE BROADCAST TO 20 MILLION PEOPLE, FROM RADIO STUDIO
more
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headline
CIA:
INCREASED CHATTER FROM KERRY CAMP MAY DELAY ELECTION
KERRY'S KNEE JERKS: TEAM OF
ATTORNEYS RETAINED, RECOUNT DEMANDED, AND 'WIDESPREAD DISENFRANCHISEMENT'
CLAIMED
more
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headline
ANTICIPATION
MOUNTS AS KUCINICH TO ANNOUNCE RUNNING MATE TODAY
VEEP'S NAME WILL BE ADDED TO
CAMPAIGN CAR DURING CEREMONY IN FRANK'S CHICKEN HOUSE PARKING LOT
more
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headline
METROSEXUALS
KERRY AND EDWARDS MAY OUTDO AL/TIPPER LIP LOCK AT CONVENTION
KERRY CAMPAIGN MANAGER, NPR,
CONTINUES TO BROADCAST DENIAL THAT EDWARDS IS 'IN DELICATE CONDITION',
BEING 'HEAVY WITH CHILD'
more
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headline
BIASED
MEDIA DOWNPLAYS KERRY-EDWARDS LOVEFEST
MEDIA SHOWCASING HUGS, KISSES,
& TEASING, BUT STOPS AT RUMORED KERRY IMPREGNATION OF SEN. EDWARDS
more
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headline
POLL:
EDWARDS' CHANCES OF WINNING VICE PRESIDENCY DIMINISHED BY PRESENCE OF
KERRY ON TICKET
EDWARDS TO REPLACE TOP OF HIS
TICKET WITH MORE CONSERVATIVE SEN. TED KENNEDY
more
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headline
KERRY
TAPS ROOKIE SENATOR & AMBULANCE-CHASING HAIR MODEL FOR VEEP SPOT
JOHN EDWARDS, SON OF A MILL
WORKER KNOWN MOSTLY FOR BEING FATHERED BY MILL EMPLOYEE
more
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headline
SPECULATION
INTENSIFIES THAT KERRY WILL PICK RUNNING MATE
MEDIA ORGASMS AS KERRY DECIDES
TO NOT RUN ALONE, BUT TO PICK RUNNING MATE
more
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headline
BREAKING:
CNN CALLS FLORIDA FOR KERRY
KERRY WINS SUNSHINE STATE'S
25 ELECTORAL VOTES BY 'SOME KIND OF MARGIN'; DETAILS TO COME IN NOVEMBER
more
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headline
FBI
WARNS OF POSSIBLE FIREWORKS OVER THE WEEKEND
CELEBRATORY ATTACKS BY FLAG-WAVING
PATRIOTS FEARED; THREAT LEVEL RAISED TO RED, WHITE & BLUE
more
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headline
SADDAM
TRIMS BEARD, ADOPTS SCRAGGLY MICHAEL MOORE LOOK, RHETORIC
JUDGE MISTAKES SADDAM FOR 'FAHRENHEIT
9-11' CREATOR, GREETS HIM WITH 'MAN, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LOST TWO TO THREE
HUNDRED POUNDS!'
more
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headline
HILLARY
CLINTON TAPS KERRY FOR TOP OF HER PRESIDENTIAL TICKET
'I PICKED KERRY AS MY RUNNING
MATE BECAUSE HIS VIETNAM WARRIOR STATUS WILL COMPENSATE FOR MY FAILURE
ON THE HEALTHCARE FRONT'
more
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headline
MICHAEL
MOORE BLAMES AMERICA FOR FAHRENHEIT 9-11
FAT FILMUCKRAKER CITES 'LAX
RESTRAINTS ON CIVIL LIBERTIES', AND 'OUT-OF-CONTROL TOLERANCE' FOR HIS
ABILITY TO PEDDLE RIDICULOUS LIE AS TRUTHFUL DOCUMENTARY
more
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headline
COALITION
AVOIDS ATTACK BY EARLY TRANSFER OF SOVEREIGNTY TO IRAQ
POWER TRANSFER TIMED DEFENSIVELY
FOR DAN RATHER'S SUMMER VACATION
more
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headline
KERRY
PANDERS TO PHARMACEUTICALS
ANTI-DEPRESSANT DRUG MAKERS
EXCITED ABOUT PROFIT POSSIBILITIES IN SEN. KERRY'S PROMISE TO RETURN 'TO
THE SLOTHFUL ECONOMY OF THE SLUGGISH 70'S'
more
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headline
BILL
CLINTON IN SPAT WITH X-GIRLFRIEND
MONICA LEWINSKY KEYS CLINTON
S.U.V. OVER LIES IN 'MY LIFE'; MONICA CLAIMS SHE DID IT 'BECAUSE I COULD';
CLINTON CLAIMS HE LIED 'BECAUSE I DO'
more
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headline
NANCY
PELOSI CALLS FOR INVESTIGATION OF IRAQI PRISONER ABUSE
HOUSE MINORITY LEADER INSISTS
'HEADS WILL ROLL'
submitted
by cox3456@bellsouth.net
more headlines | submit
headline
KERRY
RECEIVES FOURTH PURPLE HEART
SENATOR CLAIMS 'INJURY IN CAMPAIGN
WARFARE' SUFFERED WHEN NEW BUSH AD 'HURT HIS FEELINGS'
more
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headline
ACCIDENTAL
LETTER 'F' RESULTS IN CLINTON MEMOIRS TITLE TYPO
CLINTON BLAMES INDEPENDENT
COUNSEL FOR TYPO, LAKERS' DISMAL CHAMPIONSHIP PERFORMANCE, DIRTY DISHES
IN SINK
more
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headline
LIAR
MICHAEL MOORE LIBEL SUIT HAPPY
PREVENT TRUTH DECAY SUED FOR
MICHAEL MOORE 'LIBEL-SUIT-HAPPY-LIAR' HEADLINE
more
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headline
CLINTON
MEMOIR FULL OF WORDS, IT
CLINTON ISSUES RARE APOLOGY
ON PAGE 1,512 OF 'MY LIFE': 'I'M SORRY, IN HINDSIGHT, CONSIDERING THE
MEDIA ATTENTION, THAT THE GIRL WAS FAT AND UGLY... BUT I LOVE HER ANYWAY
AND SHE'S A GREAT SENATOR.'
more
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headline
CLINTON
BOOK TO BE UNVEILED BY KERRY AT CONVENTION
KERRY TO BEGIN STUMPING FOR
CLINTON MEMOIRS AT CONVENTION IN AUGUST - MOVED FROM JULY DUE TO BOOK
TOUR AND CLINTON PARTY SCHEDULE CONFLICTS
more
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headline
IDENTITY
OF MAN IN CLINTON PORTRAIT REMAINS UNCLEAR
UGLY MAN LOOKS 'SIMILAR TO'
X-PREZ, BUT LACKS DISTINGUISHABLE CLINTON FEATURES: BULBOUS RED TEDKENNEDYESQUE
NOSE, LIPSTICK-STAINED COLLAR, AND SCANDAL-WHITENED HAIR
more
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headline
OUT-OF-SEQUENCE
SEQUEL TO STAR WARS TRILOGY PREQUEL INFURIATES FANS
LAST MOVIE (WHICH WAS ACTUALLY
FIRST MOVIE) IN 2ND SET OF 4 SEQUELS SHOULD COME BETWEEN 2ND AND 4TH PREQUELS,
NERDY FANS INSIST
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BILL
CLINTON RESTED, READY TO ROCK
BACK IN D.C., THE FORMER PRESIDENT
IS 'READY TO HIT THE TOWN' AFTER REFRESHING NAP DURING INTERNATIONALLY
TELEVISED REAGAN FUNERAL
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J-LO
'MARRIES'... AGAIN
MARRIAGE HOBBYIST JENNIFER
LOPEZ DISSOLVES 'MARRIAGE' TO MARC ANTHONY THIS MORNING, WILL MARRY SOME
OTHER GUY AT NOON
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KERRY
SALUTES NEMESIS LYING IN STATE
SEN. KERRY MAKES CAMPAIGN APPEARANCE
AT REAGAN CASKET, WIPES GENUINELY CLINTONESQUE TEAR FROM EYE; POPE ORDERS
KERRY TO CEASE CROSSING SELF BEFORE CASKETS AND CAMERAS FOR POLITICAL
GAIN
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DEMOCRATS
ARTICULATE REAGAN'S LEGACY FOR AMERICA
'HE WAS FUNNY, HAD A BUBBLY
SENSE OF HUMOR, AND REALLY KNEW SOME GREAT QUIPS... PLUS HE WAS A GREAT
ACTOR' SAY DEMS
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KERRY
SPRINGS BOTOX LEAK IN CHEEK
PERPETUALLY LONG-FACED AND
PESSIMISTIC SENATOR INJURED ATTEMPTING TO EMULATE RADIANT REAGANESQUE
SMILE
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SATIRE
HEADLINES ON HOLD
Thank You Mr. President (tribute to Ronald Reagan)
SCOTT
PETERSON DEFENSE INSISTS 'MOTIVE IS LACKING'
SCOTT'S SECRET MISTRESS AMBER
FREY TO TESIFY TOMORROW
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TRIMSPA
REJECTS TED KENNEDY ENDORSEMENT OFFER
FAT-BURNING PILL COMPANY SAYS
KENNEDY'S PUBLIC IMAGE PROBLEMS GO 'WAY BEYOND MERE HYPER-OBESITY'
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McCAIN
SAYS UNEQUIVOCAL 'NO WAY' TO SUGGESTION OF KERRY VP OFFER
SEN. McCAIN OFFERS 'I WILL,
HOWEVER, THINK ABOUT IT'; KERRY CAMP EXCITED ABOUT POSSIBLE DOUBLE-WAFFLER
TICKET
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KERRY
TO COMPETE IN NEW OLYMPIC EVENT
SENATOR FAVORED IN SECRET SERVICE
SLALOM DESPITE EARLY SPILLS
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by Tony R
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KERRY
SAYS AL GORE ENDORSEMENT IS "BIGGEST THREAT" TO HIS CAMPAIGN
SEN. KERRY REPORTEDLY ATTEMPTING
TO CONVINCE ELECTION 2000 LOSER THAT KUCINICH VISION FOR AMERICA IS 'FAR
SUPERIOR TO MINE'
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TERESA
HEINZ KRAZY TO CAMPAIGN FOR HER HUSBAND
KERRY DAMAGE CONTROL TEAM SPOKESMAN:
'TERESA WILL PLAY A VERY ACTIVE ROLE SILENTLY BEHIND THE SCENES'
OF CAMPAIGN
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KENNEDY
COMMENTS ON GLOBAL WARMING MOVIE
'IT'S TRUE: THE ROCKS IN MY
SCOTCH ARE NOT AS PERSISTENT AS THEY ONCE WERE'
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by Tony R
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NEW
YORK TIMES CORRECTS 'HONEST MISTAKE'
PAPER SAYS IRAQI PRISON SCANDAL
WAS AT 'ABU GRAIB'; CLAIMS 'ABUSH GRAIB' WAS TYPO
CONGRESS
APPROVES 240,000 CELL PHONES FOR MILITARY
DEMANDS TROOPS CALL RUMSFELD
BEFORE 'TAKING ACTION'
submitted
by Tony R
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KUCINICH
FALLS OFF TRICYCLE: BLAMES 'SON OF A BITCH' KERRY
INVESTIGATION: BRAKES NOT TAMPERED
WITH; KUCINICH PEDIATRICIAN SAYS 'CANDIDATE' IS RECOVERING IN BACK SEAT
OF HOME
KERRY
FALLS OFF SUV, SCRATCHES LONG FACE
SENATOR KERRY (D-GAY STATE)
BLAMES ACCIDENT ON 'SON OF A BITCH' SECRET SERVICE CHAUFFER
KERRY
SPEAKS OUT ON MENTAL HEALTH
DEFENDS SCHIZOPHRENIA AS NATURAL,
BENEFICIAL, AND POLITICALLY EXPEDIENT
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by Tony R
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